Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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