On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
