Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
