Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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