If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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