you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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