Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
