I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize