so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
50% drunk capacity currently
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
