3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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