So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
