my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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