I wish I could punch you in the face.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
