i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
