Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
