Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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