I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
