I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
