I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
