dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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