I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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