allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
