I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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