how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
