Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
