My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize