she woke up with a sticky ear
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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