Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
