Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
