As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
