I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
