Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
