I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
