oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
