it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
