I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Its about making memories worth repressing
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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