i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
