Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize