There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
