First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My life is pants optional.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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