id be glad to
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
