I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
