so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
