So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize