I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
