I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize