We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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