Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
