I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
