I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
