if i can run in heels then i can drive
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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