just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
