My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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