I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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