i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
