I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
