the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
