Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
