I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
