We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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