used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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