you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i think i just lost a toe
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
