Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
