bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
