Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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