ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
