OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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