I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize