I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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