**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
