yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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