the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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