My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
