Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
