We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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