Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
