I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
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