then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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