Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
