im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
