I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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