Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize