Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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