Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
