My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
