Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
