I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize