I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
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