my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
