WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
