Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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