My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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