if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
