my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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