hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
