I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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